The Search for the Perfect Partner
Finding the perfect partner is, in many ways, similar to searching for the job of your life. That is what Nicole Williams, Connection Director at LinkedIn and author of the book Girl on Top: Your Guide to Turning Dating Rules into Career Success, explains.
Based on her book, Business Insider shared the following fifteen tips—useful for both love and life.
1) Experiment
Consider it a good thing if you are unhappy with your current job, because it means you should be looking for something better. Similarly, “to know what a good relationship is, you first need to experience what a bad one looks like,” Williams writes.
2) Listen to your friends
Ask your best friends what they think you should do. Listen to them—not to your own biases or assumptions.
3) Avoid coming across as desperate
“The more desperate you are to find ‘the one,’ the more likely it is that you will push them away with your behavior,” says Williams. Stay relaxed and confident during your search for a great job or relationship. If you don’t feel confident yet, act as if you are—because often, pretending can turn into real confidence.
4) Don’t be afraid to be alone
As long as you know you can continue on your own, you do not need to panic. If you can’t find the perfect opportunities, it is up to you to create them. If others can start their own business or freelance career, you can do that too.
5) Be clear about what you want
Often, we are so afraid of rejection that we don’t dare to ask for what we truly want. “Get over it,” Williams writes, “and spend your energy getting a positive answer.”
6) Put your best foot forward
If you are not motivated, don’t “just be yourself”—act like a great employee. Observe the person in the workplace that everyone respects most, and learn from them. Try to imitate the qualities that make them successful.
7) Learn to recognize body language
The body never lies. If you learn to recognize the signals it sends, you will often sense whether someone likes you—without having to ask directly. This applies to meetings with your boss, conversations with potential clients, and dates with potential partners.
8) Don’t talk too much
Your coworkers are not necessarily your friends. Just as sharing too much can harm a relationship, oversharing can also damage your reputation at work. For example, never complain about your former boss, company, or ex. That doesn’t make them look bad—it makes you look bad.
9) Don’t complain about the competition—or about yourself
You don’t win hearts by insulting your competition. “Most of the time, you achieve the opposite,” Williams warns. But also, don’t complain about yourself. It doesn’t come across as humble—it comes across as insecure. “You can’t expect someone to love you if you don’t like yourself.”
10) Don’t count on your company/boss/partner changing
If you are in a bad professional relationship—or a bad love relationship—do not expect things to magically improve over time. Find a way to still be happy despite it, or choose something else.
11) Look good: your appearance matters
Wear nice clothes and it will be noticed. The same is true for inappropriate or careless clothing—it will also be noticed. Presentation matters more than many people admit, both professionally and socially.
12) Too much self-sacrifice leads to problems
Don’t be a martyr. Don’t sacrifice your happiness for your job or your partner. Life is about more than your career or your love life.
13) Don’t give up immediately
Don’t quit at the first sign of wear and tear in your career or relationship. Try new things, start a new project, or do something different that might reignite the spark you once had.
14) Don’t waste years in mediocrity
If, despite serious efforts, you keep feeling yourself sink into a boring and average existence, then it’s time for something new. Don’t throw away your life in mediocrity.
15) Let others praise you
Create your own “pitch”—your personal story and value—and let others spread that message inside your network. In both dating and career growth, reputation often travels faster than explanations.